We’re finally rounding out this three part series on procrastination.
In the first post of the series, we talked about why we procrastinate, the different types of procrastinators, and how being tired is our most common excuse for procrastinating. If you haven’t checked out that article yet, you’ll want to head over here.
As for the second article in the series, we dove into why fear is an underlying cause of procrastination, how to get over hurt feelings and obstacles, and how to avoid distractions. You can find that article right here.
Before we jump in, I want to be clear: I didn’t just make this stuff up. Rather, I’m using the most helpful tips I’ve found in Monica Ramirez Basco’s The Procrastinator’s Guide to Getting Things Done
Speaking of which, my hope is that by sharing her tips, along with some of my own from personal experience, I can help you stop procrastinating once and for all. I’d be a happy camper if you at least did it less often.
Now let’s quit wasting time and get to it.
How You’re Using Procrastination in Your Relationships
Whether you realize it or not, your procrastinating ways affect other people around you.
I know, it may seem like you have it under control and there’s no way anyone has caught on, but they have.
For example, if you’re constantly late for things, you’re telling your friends, family, coworkers, etc. that you don’t care about their time. You certainly don’t respect it either.
On top of that, your friends and family are probably being too polite to tell you.
The thing is, we procrastinate in our relationships for several different reasons, according to Dr. Ramirez Basco.
To Express Anger
If you resent someone or have unresolved anger with them, you’re probably manifesting this in the form of procrastination.
A simple example that Ramirez Basco used was a husband who procrastinates on household chores as a way to tell his wife that he resented her telling him what to do.
I’m sure most of us can relate to that one.
Dr. Ramirez Basco calls this passive-aggressiveness and I couldn’t agree more.
Remember, when you continually act like this, you’re only pushing your loved ones away and building up a ton of unnecessary stress internally. These behaviors are not helping anyone.
Take Control
Another reason we procrastinate in our relationships, as Dr. Ramirez Basco mentions, is so we can take complete control over the situation.
If you resent when your boss makes demands on you that fall out of your job description, you may find yourself procrastinating.
By doing so, you can send a passive aggressive message back to your boss. Sounds mature doesn’t it?
The truth is, you’re only creating a false sense of control. Everyone can see what you’re up to. And if you keep doing it enough times, they’ll start resenting you back. Again, it’s just a nasty cycle.
A Way to Say No
Do you ever struggle with saying no to things and then when the time comes to actually take action, you just procrastinate instead?
This causes such a huge amount of stress and doesn’t ever resolve the issue.
Instead of being scared of what could happen if you say no when it’s tough, think about all of the fun things you can do with your time.
And don’t feel like you need a justified excuse to say no. Your time is your time. Just say no and leave it at that. There’s no need to spend time crafting up an excuse. Just politely decline right away and move on just as fast.
Why Passive Aggressiveness is Connected
Let’s play the honesty game for a second.
It’s wayyyy easier to be passive aggressive than it is to actually confront people.
After all, confrontation is scary! (I’m being sarcastic here so stick with that tone as you read these next few lines)
Just the mere thought of a confrontation is enough to get our hearts pounding and our palms sweaty.
You might say, I don’t like confrontation but the reality is that you’re scared of it. And that’s probably because you’ve conjured up the worst case scenario in your head.
I’m talking pull out the hoop hearings and take off the rings cause it’s about to go down worst case scenario.
But that stuff rarely happens. In reality, it’s never as bad as we make it out to be in our heads. And we’re all scared of confrontations. No one enjoys them!
So instead of venting your frustrations to everyone else but the person you’re directly pissed off at, it’s time to put those big girl pants on and face the problem head on.
The more you avoid this, the bigger and more daunting the issue will become.
Get your thoughts together on paper. Decide what you’re really pissed off about. Not the tiny issues that surround the real meat of the problem. Get to what is really keeping you up at night so you can finally move past it all.
Dr. Ramirez Basco also mentions:
- “Talk directly to the person who is troubling you”
- “Avoid words that will put the listener on the defensive, especially words that sound like criticism or blaming. Think about what you would want another person to say to you if you did something to upset him”
- “Keep the discussion private”
- “Choose a moment to communicate when you are calm and the listener has time”
- “Keep the tone of your voice neutral”
These next two sections hit pretty close to home for me too.
How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
I had a hard time saying no to things I didn’t really want to do. So instead, I said yes every time and dreaded going each time. Let’s just say homie don’t play those games anymore.
It’s okay to tell people no. In fact, life will go on when you do.
You’ll also find that you have more time to do things you actually enjoy with people you want to hang out with.
If you’re finding yourself procrastinating when it comes to doing things with friends or co-workers, it’s your gut telling you that you don’t find enjoyment in these activities.
Another gauge is to see how you feel after hanging out with them.
Do you feel energized and inspired or are you drained and disappointed? These are your gut instincts telling you what to do. Follow them and don’t look back.
Combating the All-or-Nothing Work Style
Another people pleasing tendency I had was to overcommit to things, especially with work.
I’d say yes to any and all projects because I was too scared of not making income each month.
As a result, I’d burn myself out.
I’ve learned to pay attention to these signs before getting to that point. I manage my income and work goals each day so I don’t panic and take on too much. And the same tips can work for you too.
Use a monthly calendar and check it each morning just like you to do with Facebook. Realistically think about your time commitments to see if you can handle that much at once and if you need all of them.
Spreading yourself too thin is a huge recipe for disaster and it’s just not worth it.
It’s also essential that you take breaks and time for yourself, and that you ask for help whenever you need. It will do you no good to pretend like you’re managing everything when you’re really crumbling inside. Again, this is a recipe for a major blowout.
People will not think less of you if you ask for help. In fact, it’s just the opposite. They’ll appreciate that you’re not taking on more than you can realistically handle.
As interdependent human beings, we all love to lend a helping hand. It makes us feel good inside. So by helping you, our spirits are lifted too. Total win-win in my book.
How to Stop Being a Perfectionist Once and for All
Lastly, it’s time to stop pretending that everything has to be perfect. No one is perfect. Trying to achieve perfection is like hoping to win the lotto every single time you buy a ticket. It’s just not realistic.
Instead, make things good enough and walk away. Be at peace that good enough is all that you need. We are usually our own worst critics anyway. And the more we waste time doing things perfectly, the more stressed we become and the less we actually enjoy life.
I encourage you to do your best each time, but not to overdo it by any means. Life is just too short for that sh!t.
You are human! That means you are not perfect by default. So your house/car/hair/whatever do not need to be perfect. Life will go on if it’s not perfect. I promise!
I hope you’ve found this three part series helpful! If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out. You can email me directly at: devan@behappynothangry.com
And if you really loved the article, please don’t be shy and share it on Facebook. I’d love to hear what resonated with you and, as always, I appreciate the love 🙂