Let’s talk about Murphy’s Law.
Most of us know it and have unfortunately dealt with it more than once in our lives.
“Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”
One day you’re running on autopilot feeling like you have this whole adulting thing covered and the next thing you know….BAM. Sh!t hits the fan.
- The stress at your job piles up and makes you want to quit
- By the time you get home, you’re too exhausted to do anything so eating healthy and working out aren’t even on your radar
- On top of that, you’re hit with a high month in expenses
- Someone you love gets sick
- A tree falls on your house
- You don’t win the lotto
You can interchange these items to fit your situation and I guarantee that the template would work just the same.
Doesn’t it seem like life throws you about 10 curveballs all at once?
Just when you think you’re starting to get a handle on things, another one comes flying at you.
And when this happens, it’s like one punch after another right to the gut.
You’re left feeling:
- Numb
- Hopeless
- Depressed
- Upset
- Resentful
- Just plain shitty
Why me?
Why now?
What did I do to deserve this?
When can I catch a damn break?
Can you relate?
I’m sure you can.
We all can.
We’ve all had the unfortunate pleasure of finding ourselves face deep in Murphy’s Law.
But it’s the next step that determines how we fare when shit hits the fan.
Do we hide under covers with a big bowl of ice cream? Or do we pick ourselves back up each and every time without letting things get us down?
While the second one is so much easier said than done, it is possible. And I’m here to show you the exact tools I use every time I get knocked down (especially if it’s back-to-back hits).
By following this roadmap, you’ll find an inner courage and strength that you probably didn’t even know existed.
Step 1: Get Grounded & Grateful
No matter how shitty your life seems right now, there is someone who has it worse.
You’ve heard it before. Now it’s time to believe it.
I know this is not what we want to hear at our lowest point, but it’s true.
Your situation is not as bad as you think.
If I asked you to write a list of 5-10 more things that could make it worse, I’m sure you could easily knock it out if you gave it some real thought.
So this is about shifting your focus.
We tend to turn on tunnel vision when shit hits the fan.
All we can see is how bad things are.
Instead, we need to look at the bright side. I promise it’s there, you just have to look hard for it.
Do you have your health for the most part?
What about your family?
Do you have a roof over your head?
Do you know where your next meal is?
Do you have fresh, clean water?
If you have these things, you are doing better than you think.
Again, start believing this.
Write down a huge list of everything you should be grateful for and act that way.
Things could always be worse.
If you’re still not convinced, go volunteer.
Step 2: Let Go of the Reins
Stop trying to control shit you cannot control.
You know this.
Yet, we still try to control things.
I get it though.
Control is comforting.
It’s safe.
It helps us feel prepared for anything that comes our way.
It’s like having a comfy blankey over our little bubble of life.
But the reality is, we will never have complete control.
And we’ll never be fully prepared for some of the worst curveballs that come at us. (9/11 is a perfect example of this. We could never prepare for such devastation)
That’s life.
It’s going to happen.
Accept it because it’s never going to change or get any easier.
No matter who or what you believe in, the plan has already been laid out.
Trying to change things is like moving a boulder with a toothpick (read: good luck with that one buddy! #Impossible).
So your next realistic step is to separate the boulders from the toothpicks.
The boulders are those things that you won’t be able to control.
Write those down and stop obsessing over them.
Once you do this, the boulder on your shoulders is also going to lift.
This gives you a sense of clarity that you didn’t have before.
After all, how much thinking can you really get done with a boulder on your shoulder?
Now I want you to identify the toothpicks.
These are the things that are not helping you move that boulder of yours.
No matter how hard you try, the toothpicks are useless.
The figurative toothpicks I’m referring to are:
- Obsessing/over thinking the situation
- Replaying the worst case scenario in your head
- Opening a can of “what-ifs”
- Assuming that you’re the only one who’s had to deal with this
- Reaching for food/alcohol/anything else to cope
You know you’re guilty of these. I was too!
Step 3: Grab the Wheel
Now it’s time to take back control.
Instead of trying to control the situation, it’s time to focus on the shit you can control: yourself and your emotions.
Spend the time to experience the myriad of emotions that surface during crappy times.
Give yourself the OK to go through whatever you’re feeling.
But….put a time limit on it.
Don’t spend weeks living in this emotional state.
Don’t knock it out in five minutes either.
Take the right amount of time.
For me, I try to do a half day to a full day when shit hits the fan.
I take the time to veg and watch a few shows back to back and then I’ll go for an hour walk.
By going for a walk, I force myself to snap out of the veg state. If I don’t do that, I’d only spiral into those figurative toothpicks I mentioned in step 2.
And my guess is you can relate.
Give yourself a time limit for how long you’ll veg and stick to it.
Get up and get moving once your time’s up.
So many of us curl up on the couch when times are tough but the best medicine is to exercise.
It’s one of the best tools to use during stressful times and one I swear by.
I don’t just preach this stuff — I 100% live it.
Once you take back your mental state and get your body moving physically, you’re going to feel as if you’ve remerged as a different person.
Suddenly the solutions to your problem become clear.
And out of nowhere, a good idea will randomly pop into your head while you’re in the shower.
This is the universe at play.
It’s not random.
As soon as you let go of the reins and decide that you are going to fix this situation, the universe (or whoever you believe in) backs you up.
Read: you must decide that you’re not going to let this shit get you down and you’re going to figure it out.
That’s when the magic starts.
Step 4: Let Things Unfold
Keep your eyes peeled for signs and solutions to your problem.
They may not always be obvious but they’re always there.
Should you head to the library to learn more about how to get out of this mess?
Do you have a friend that recently went through this exact (or a similar) situation?
What can you do to help make this problem go away?
Chances are, someone has gone through your exact situation.
Google it.
If someone else has gone through it, you have proof that it’s possible to overcome.
Believe this and work towards it and you’ll be in good shape.
We are naturally inclined to solve problems.
It’s our human nature.
And guess what? You have all the tools you need to solve whatever situation you’re in.
In the rare cases you don’t, you just need to learn a few extra things to supplement the tools you already have.
Or you may need to run off that ol’ instinct of yours and trust your gut.
Remember: you are stronger than you think. Prove it to yourself.
I’m a firm believer that we are only given what we can handle.
You got this.
And don’t turn to food or alcohol here either.
Take a nice warm bath or go for a massage if you can afford it.
Treat yourself to something beneficial. Not something that’s going to make you feel worse.
To show you that I’m not just preaching, here’s what I recently went through:
- In the past two months, my expenses have gone through the roof. I’m not talking about having a shopping addiction either.
- My asthma flared up and required expensive prescriptions.
- My health insurance also went up during the same time.
- I had to pay two health premiums in one month ($600+)
- My business is notoriously slow during these months. While I tripled last year’s numbers, I still didn’t meet my expenses.
- On top of that, my dog was diagnosed with a devastating heart condition.
- He was given a grim reality and it turned our world upside down. He is my world.
I cried.
I questioned why we deserved this.
I fed him the best food, kept up with his health on a daily basis. We gave him plenty of exercise outside.
From there, I wasted some more time feeling sorry for myself.
Why is my business not doing so great?
Should I just quit this thing?
What if I wasn’t meant to do this?
Who am I kidding?
Until I realized how unhelpful this route was.
I was acting on emotions. How illogical?
I was also acting from a negative headspace. No wonder I was attracting shit!
So, instead, I followed the exact roadmap I just gave you.
- I got realistic about my expenses. While important ones did go up, I could cut other areas. So my first step was to trim the fat. And I thought I had already done that, but, trust me, you can always trim more. Get creative!
- My asthma was a sign that I wasn’t treating it as serious as I should have. I started paying attention to asthma triggers and found out the toothpaste I was using could be contributing to my flare ups. Since I’m undergoing Invisalign, I’m brushing my teeth at least 6 times per day. Once I made myself aware of this, my asthma has decreased slightly.
- My health insurance is not going to come any cheaper. I have to accept this and find other places to save money. End of story.
- This year, I started applying for more freelancing gigs before the slow period. I landed two more clients which was a huge win. They aren’t enough to fill in the missing gaps but they gave me some positive momentum to keep applying for more jobs. This is instead of just throwing in the towel and quitting.
- As for my beloved pup, we had all the tools we could have to fight this. I’m grateful to have more time with him and that he didn’t have to be put down. I’m lucky that he’s not in pain and he is in great spirits. What our future holds is still a mystery but now I really relish the present with him. His little mannerisms melt my heart even more and I don’t take these for granted.
Most of all, through all of this crap, I’ve maintained a consistent workout routine, even if that meant just going for a walk.
During the sleepless nights and early mornings where I would have rather snoozed the morning away, I headed to the gym.
I held back my tears on the treadmill and in the weights section until I could get to my car and I let it all out.
I’d do this until it was time to walk back into my house. That was my transition time.
When I walked through that front door, I showed no signs of crying so my dog wouldn’t see me stressed and get even more stressed himself.
I would sit down with him and pet him until he’d fall asleep and then I’d start my morning routine as normal. And I kept repeating this every day.
I took small, consistent steps. And I only focused on my next step. Not the long road ahead. That would just be daunting…
I’ve used this roadmap several times in my life and it always works.
Yes, it may take me some time to muster up the courage to stick to the plan but it’s never let me down.
It’s lifted weights off my shoulders that kept me up at night and my anxiety levels are down.
Is my life any easier from this?
Are there unicorns and money machines flying my way?
Nope.
Life is still as unfair at times as ever and there are times when I just want to give up.
Then I snap out of this funky cloud and start with step 1.
I have so much to be grateful for. And I bet you do too.
Focus on that shit and that shit only!
Then, wash, rinse, and repeat because there’s no doubt in my mind that we’ll both be in this place at some point in our future.
P.S. Sorry for all the s*bombs 🙂