75 years ago, researchers decided to track the lives of 724 men throughout their lifetime to see what it takes to live a good life. (btw, this study is still going strong after 75+ years)
One of the questions they wanted to answer was: what keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life?
The 4th Director of this study, Robert Waldinger, uncovers this answer and so much more in this powerful Ted talk. Today, I’m going to share some of his top points.
But before we jump into the answer, I want to turn it over to you — do you have any guesses as to what the answer could be?
What do you think keeps people happy and healthy?
Money?
Fame?
A prestigious career?
All decent guesses but not the right one.
The Secret Sauce to Staying Happier and Healthier (According to Science)
It turns out, good relationships keep us happier and healthier, according to the research.
Okay, but that’s not exactly anything new right?
We’ve all heard that before.
It’s this next part that you may not have heard yet…
3 More Key Takeaways About Happiness
Researchers also discovered three specific takeaways from this 75 year (and still going) study.
#1: “Social Connections are Really Good for Us, Loneliness Kills”
When comparing the men in this study, researchers found that the more socially connected the men were — whether that’s to family, friends, or another community — the happier and healthier they were physically.
These men also lived much longer than those who were less connected.
The scientists also reported that “loneliness is toxic,” and, “people who are more isolated than they want to be from others are less happy, their health declines earlier in life (mid-life), and their brain functions start to decline sooner.”
These men also lived shorter lives than the socially connected men.
Let that sink in for a second.
Social connectedness = longer life, happiness, better health
Loneliness = health declines early in life, brain function decline earlier, and less happiness.
Yikes!
But before you go and triple your friendship circle, there is a major caveat here. And it just so happens to be the next takeaway.
#2: “It’s Not Just the Number of Friends You Have, Quality of Close Relationships that Matter”
Okay, so you’ve heard that quality over quantity matters when it comes to your social circle, but why is that?
It turns out, warm relationships are protective, according to the study.
So much so that scientists could predict who would fare better later in life by how satisfied the men were in their relationships.
Those who were satisfied at age 50 stayed the healthiest by 80.
Somehow “good, close relationships buffer us from the slings and arrows of getting old,” as Waldinger points out.
But it doesn’t stop there — this social connectedness also affected physical pain in a positive way.
“Happy couples in their 80s reported that even on days when they had physical pain their mood stayed just as happy.”
But those on the other side of the social connectedness spectrum fared far worse: “on the days when they reported more physical pain, it was magnified with more emotional pain.”
And still, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Social connectedness also impacts our brain as you’ll see next.
#3: “Good Relationships Don’t Just Protect Our Bodies, They Protect Our Brains”
In order to reap the benefits of this, you must be in secure relationships.“Ones where you really feel you can count on the other person in times of need,” according to researchers.
For the men studied who fell in this category, their memory stayed the sharpest for much longer than those who did not have secure relationships.
Those who felt they couldn’t count on other people and their relationships, they experienced memory decline earlier in life.
The good news is that your relationships don’t have to be perfect. Bickering all the time isn’t even a factor as long as, when times are the roughest, you know you have someone right there to lean on, as Robert mentions.
“Good Close, Relationships are Good for Our Health and Being”
Another point worth repeating from this Ted talk was that, “relationships are messy, complicated. And they’re hard work. They’re also a lifelong commitment that we need to tend to like a garden and continue to build on.”
How can we do that?
As Robert Waldinger puts it so perfectly, “replace screen time with people time.”
Next time you’re with a friend or family member, put your phone away and don’t be tempted by a Google search to bring it out.
Don’t be lured by text dings either.
Instead, listen to your friend or family member’s every word and make eye contact. Really hear what they have to say.
And don’t interject before they’re finished. Just be patient and listen before adding your two cents.
On top of that, and Robert says, “reach out to family [or friends] who you haven’t spoken to in years.”
Be the bigger person and pick up the phone.
Give them a call and watch how fast your mood and spirits will lift for the better.
Waldinger also points out, “family feuds take a terrible toll on the people who hold the grudges.”
Is there someone you need to forgive right now?
Pick up the phone and take accountability for your actions. There’s usually a strong case in favor of both of you doing something wrong. End this once and for all or your health will take a hit because of it.
Waldinger finished this powerful Ted talk with a fitting Mark Twain quote:
“There isn’t time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak. The good life is built with good relationships.”
To creating stronger, closer relationships,
Devan
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For one-on-one chats, please don’t hesitate to email me direct at devan@behappynothangry.com.