With the deaths of famous mega star creators, Avicii, Kate Spade, and Anthony Bourdain, depression and suicide are back in the spotlight.
Questions like, “How could they do this? Their life seemed so perfect,” and, “How come no one saw it coming?” surface, and for good reason.
Suicides like these, and other ones in general, are often unexpected and committed by people who you would never think could do something like that, which leaves many people left behind with confusion and unanswered questions.
I know firsthand since I unfortunately lost a best friend to suicide.
And it’s something that’s stuck with me for the rest of my life. I think about her everyday.
It’s also motivated me to create this site so that I could help people, even if it was just one person a month (my goal is one person a day).
I never want anyone to go through what my best friend and I went through so I’ve made it my mission to help in any way that I can.
And while I’ve recently been more focused on healthy eating and exercise with this site, mental health is just as important to me; it’s right up there with sleep.
But, since I don’t have too much professional experience here, I’m going to rely on the experts to help spread their message instead, which is exactly what today’s guide does.
I’m diving into some talking points from an article I found in The Wall Street Journal titled: The Words That Can Signal Depression.
You may not be depressed, or maybe after reading this you realize something could be out of balance, but you may be able to see it in someone else, such as a family and close friend.
And while I don’t recommend that you treat them yourself, you can encourage them to get help.
People don’t usually give the obvious outward signs that you’d expect with suicide which is why it’s so important to get subtle signs into the conversation so you know what to look for.
You may also be surprised to learn that some language you’re using is negative and could be tweaked to improve your moods too.
Let’s jump in to find out.
Here’s How Language & Tone Changes in Depressed People
It turns out, what people talk about and their specific choice of words can signal that something deeper is going on.
When you hear absolutes such as, “always,” “must,” “should,” and “completely” your attention should be piqued.
For example, if your friend complains about how her job is always draining her and she should have already received a raise but hasn’t, you can tell that she’s hurting more inside than you see on the surface and without admitting it.
In this example, there’s no way to determine that she’s clinically depressed but you’ll know her outlook right now, as it relates to work, isn’t so positive.
Another giveaway is when you hear someone constantly referring to their life using “I” instead of “we” or “us.”
This “focus on self,” as the article puts it, could be a sign that your friend or family member can’t see past what’s ailing them.
The article also mentioned that someone battling depression also has a different speech pattern: it “becomes lower, more monotone and more labored, with more stops, starts and pauses.”
You’ll also find more sad and negative conversations in people battling depression.
Even if you aren’t depressed, absolutes like the ones I just mentioned can also have a negative effect.
Here’s Why You Should Eliminate Absolutes
You don’t need to be depressed to use things like absolutes.
If you’ve ever said, “It always rains on my day off,” or, “She always gets her way and I have to work 10x harder to earn the same thing,” or, ”He should know why I’m upset,” you may be adding more negativity to an already bad situation.
As the article pointed out, these words “can amp up negative thoughts.”
Another problem here is that you’re creating this one-sided view where things have to fit into your controlling plan.
And if they don’t, anxiety and depression creep in because you’ve lost control (even though you’ve only lost control from your master plan, which is always possible since life doesn’t work on your command).
The solution: you’ve got to become more flexible and so does your friend or family member.
Instead of saying “nothing ever goes right for me,” it’s time to see that this is just a small glitch in a bigger plan, one where there’s a lesson buried under the hard times.
And it’s time to check the words you use too.
Like The Old Saying Goes, Choose Your Words Wisely
I loved and fully believe in this quote from the article: “very often, what you say is what you internalize.”
If you’re choosing words that are negative or contain absolutes, you’re going to bring your mood down without realizing it.
And if you’re venting to someone who cares about you, you’re also sending the negativity their way.
Sometimes it’s too hard to get rid of every negative word, and I get that.
But, instead, you can use more neutral words instead to at least diffuse the situation a bit.
The example the article gave was perfect. Change your thinking from “this is horrible” to “this isn’t for me.”
So what are those absolute words that need to go?
Here’s a list:
- Never
- Nothing
- Totally
- Every
- Entirely
- Constantly
- Always
- All
- Definitely
- 100 percent
- Must
Swap these words for things like “sometimes” or “rarely” and chalk it up to a rare occurrence instead.
There’s also one more exercise that I love and believe in:
Test Yourself Using a Brain Dump
Brain dumping is one of my favorite techniques for working through problems and discovering how you really feel.
To do this, grab a sheet of paper or whip out your journal and write down anything and everything that comes to mind.
This should be just a stream-of-consciousness where you don’t overthink what’s going on.
Give yourself as much time as you need to get everything out.
Once you do, re-read what you wrote and circle any absolute words to see how often you’re using them.
You should also be able to identify any patterns or words that you use more often than not.
Ask yourself things like:
- Are you being too negative?
- Is this too focused on your needs?
If yes, you already know what needs to be re-worked.
Another good piece of advice from the article is if you’re having trouble doing this on your own, show someone you trust and have them give you an unbiased opinion.
Sometimes it’s easier to see things clearer when it doesn’t involve your life which is how a friend can help.
The last awesome tip is: “Create a mantra you can use to override absolutist language.”
Instead of saying, “‘This always happens to me,” say, “This time. This happened this time.’”
And if your language has far too many I’s and me’s, it’s time to shift your focus.
Stop being so stuck in yourself that you can’t see all of the beauty surrounding you.
It’s All About Awareness
These tips won’t help you decode if someone is suicidal, right now that’s just not possible, but they can give you a better idea of how someone is feeling.
And if these words are sprinkled far too often in your vocabulary, you should reconsider using them too.
Not only are you cranking up the negativity on yourself, but you could be spreading it to someone you love.
You wouldn’t want to do that right?
Sometimes people don’t even realize how they’re coming across either, which is why this awareness is so important.
If you suspect something is up, encourage your friend or family member to find someone they can talk to.
And if you’re noticing a pattern that’s more personal, don’t be afraid to get help.
It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
For both you and your loved ones, don’t let depression consume you.
Get help before it’s too late.
To see the original article, visit The Wall Street Journal: The Words That Can Signal Depression