Does this sound like you?
I can’t work out, I don’t have the time.
I tried diets and healthy eating before and I just can’t seem to make it work.
Whenever I’m around chocolate or sweets, I can’t control myself.
I can’t afford to do that.
Did you spot the recurring theme of “can’t” in those statements?
It turns out, it’s not that you can’t do those things — it’s that you won’t, as Marie Forleo explains.
She elaborated on this point in detail on a podcast I listened to several months ago and it was such a powerful message that I wanted to share it with you today.
There’s a HUGE Difference Between Can’t vs Won’t
“99% of the time, you can’t means you won’t,” according to Forleo.
Consider how this changes those first statements:
It’s not that you don’t have the time to workout, it’s that you won’t make the time to do so.
When it comes to healthy eating, you won’t make it work.
With chocolates and sweets, you won’t control yourself
Can’t afford it? It means you won’t do what it takes to afford it.
See the difference? It’s tiny on paper but HUGE in reality.
Let’s dive in deeper to make sure we’re on the same page here.
With can’t, you’re shifting your powers to something outside of your control.
I can’t workout because I don’t have time.
This is the victim mentality at work and puts the blame on a lack of time instead and takes your responsibility out of the equation. And, quite frankly, it’s bs.
“Most of the time when we use can’t, we feel, think, and behave like victims. Like we are powerless against our circumstances and we have no say in our lives,” as Forleo puts it.
But this couldn’t be further from the truth. We are 1000% responsible for our lives, again, as Forleo reminds us. And we must grab the wheel and take control of it.
Marie continues with:
- When you blame others (or things like a lack of time), you give up your power to change things
- But the truth is, you always have more power than you think and more than you give yourself credit for
- Your attitude is your choice every single day
Let’s not kid ourselves: who has time these days?
I haven’t found one person that has extra time lying around. Instead, we all have to make time for the things that are important to us.
And we need to make sure our priorities are on the right things.
If you’re not making time for working out, admit that and take accountability by saying I won’t make time for it.
And don’t kid yourself that these things are out of your control. This next point could also be at fault.
You Don’t Really Want It
Marie continues to explain that your hesitations (and mine) could be due to the fact that you really don’t want to do something.
For example, initially, working out might suck. Same with eating healthy. Watching less TV. And any other bad habits. The beginning is always the hardest.
It’s also the point where most of us give up because it gets too hard.
But the truth is, you didn’t really want it in the first place.
Because if you did, you wouldn’t stop for anything. You would put your head down and keep going, no matter how hard it gets.
People do this all the time.
But so few people do.
And that’s why so few of us live up to our potential. And it’s also why we’re disappointed with our realities — because they don’t live up to our expectations.
But there’s also another issue slowing our momentum down.
As soon as we decide to commit to something, our energy starts to wane. Have you ever noticed that?
We get so excited about starting a new adventure that we spend so much time researching it, buying all the necessary accessories, and announcing our new adventure to the world, that we lose all of our momentum.
On top of that, when we share our goals with other people, we face two more challenges:
Negativity from others or from our own internal critic. You can’t do this. You’re not smart/rich/talented/insert any negative adjective and you’ll get the same result: defeat before you even start. But that’s not all you’re up against.
Your brain thinks you’ve already done it. By shouting your goals from the rooftops, even just to those closest to you, you’re also signaling to your brain that you’ve already done it.
This is part of the reason why we get such a flood of adrenaline initially and have a hard time maintaining this momentum. Your brain is like “oh cool. I like that goal. So we’re done here right?” yeah…not exactly.
If you really don’t want to do something, your brain will know.
Remember this quote from this article?:
“Your mind isn’t stupid — it has an amazing bullshit detector. If you want to commit, you need to give yourself a pretty damn good reason.”
And don’t forget, good intentions are NOT enough as we saw in this article.
Because when things get tough on your goal journey, you’re going to need more than good intentions to keep going.
Are you going to be able to do what it takes even when you feel like giving up?
For most of us, it’s easier to bury these goals down to the someday wish lists and ensure that we don’t make them a priority.
Because hard work is, well, hard. And we don’t want to do what it takes to succeed. We just want the millionaire ending without lifting a finger.
Life doesn’t work that way as I’m sure you’ve already seen.
But you can change this as I’ll show you next.
How to Fix This Sh!t
First, you need to make the right things a priority in your life.
Your health and happiness should be up there as top priorities.
Because without these, you won’t be able to tackle any other areas of your life, including your home/work/other stresses.
In order for these to be a priority, you must carve out time for them. It’s not going to magically appear. But it’s possible if you’re willing to make some tradeoffs.
I’m going out on a limb here and guessing that you could probably find some spare minutes if you cut back your social media, email checking and rechecking, and TV usage.
On top of making time for these things, you need to be willing to put in the effort and make the sacrifices that it’s going to take, as Forleo points out.
And while that’s not always the easiest, with a little time, consistency, and patience you can get there. As long as you make the right things a priority in your life and you keep working, even when you don’t feel like it.
But, in order for this to happen, you need to stop telling yourself you can’t do things and take accountability for the fact that you won’t do them because you really don’t want to and you don’t want to make time for them.
Instead of reliving that Groundhog Day scenario, do this instead
- Whip out a piece of paper or use the Notes app on your phone (I know you have it close by)
- Identify all the things you should make a priority for (working out, meal prepping so you can eat healthy, journaling, meditating, yoga, you name it)
- Take a look at your list and choose 1 item that would have the biggest impact on your life
- Write down all the reasons why, in the past, you couldn’t tackle this.
- Now, I want you to rewrite all of those statements with a solution. Answer: how can I make this work? And jot down all of the ideas that come to mind
- Next, we need to think about all of the obstacles that are going to stand in your way (your inner critic, a family member or spouse, lack of time or motivation, etc.) and we need to connect them to a solution for how you’re going to make this work.
- I want you to take the first step now, whatever that may be. If you want to meal plan more, go find recipes right now and don’t give me that bs tomorrow logic. If you want to workout, go do it. Stop reading this. Get up. And Get moving. Now.
Only because I heart you,
Devan